Pom Pom Paranoia

So, my adorable four year old Harper asked his mom yesterday where I went to school. Clemson, of course.  I thought he knew.  Being as we are in the 'there's always a follow up question stage,' I knew there were more inquiries to come.  According to his mom, the next question, "Was Dee a cheerleader at Clemson...." followed immediately by ".... 'cause she looks like a cheerleader."

The first thought in my mid 50 year old brain was, " You Go, Girl!  You look like a cheerleader!" But as often is the case, the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if this observation really represented good news.

Did my pony tail look as if I had been turning cartwheels?  Should I have even been wearing a pony tail at this age?  Was my skirt a mite too short yesterday....too tight.....too pleated?  Worse, did he catch a glimpse of what he thought were cheerleader bloomers when I leaned down to give Gray a kiss?  Was my tee shirt a little tight? Were my converses a little young?

Did Harp think my squeaky vocals were the result of a few too many "1-2-3-4-1-2-3-4-C-L-E-M-S-O-N cheers?  Or did he hear me yell at Drew for his 80 on the algebra test and decide that must the voice of a former cheerleader?

One thing I am learning..if this kid thinks it, he says it.  He definitely has me on my toes....and has me looking at life from the four year old perspective.  His mom says not to worry....all these questions are just a stage and will pass.  Not so sure my paranoia will.  Love this kid, but just when does he turn five? 

Photo Credit to Harper's Mom.....

F is for.... Fantasy

Foreword:  At this the start of the 2015 season, this post is dedicated to football fanatics everywhere.  May all your teams win and all your "fantasies" come true.

My first foray into Fantasy Football has been...shall we say...less than what I imagined it would be.  As an aside, isn't that often the way with fantasies?  But that's another blog for another day, right Girls?  For now, are we ready for some football?

Being the total football crazy that I am, this year I decided to take the plunge, my virgin plunge (is that even appropriate) into the world of Fantasy Football.

I was invited to join a "league."  I have been invited before but have always said no.  This year I thought, well, why not?  So... for no other reason than that, I said yes.  Let me say it has been..... quite different from the fantasy for which I hoped.

Lesson 1:  The appointed day and time arrived for...drum roll, please....our league draft.  Draft....that word just made me tingle with football excitement from my head to my toes.  I have watched Roger Goodell with anticipation (clarification....not that kind of anticipation) over the last few years, have seen some of my very favorites drafted into the NFL, and I was ready for this time..... MY time....MY first draft.  Suffice it to say, things did not go according to plan.

As is often my modus operandi, I was juuuuust a couple of minutes late for the draft. Those who know my lineage know that no matter how hard I try to overcome, it just seems to be in the DNA.  But, who knew they....supposed friends, and more importantly, my first draft party... could start without me?  In the couple of minutes I was delayed, I totally missed my first round pick and the opportunity to land at least one of my favorite players.  I was "autopicked."  Really?  Oh well, I will keep my head up.  Not to worry....second round was yet to come.

Lesson 2:  No one told me that I needed to be set up with preferably a lap top, ready to roll with my selection in I think it is 90 seconds after I go "on the clock."  Now, wait a minute, doesn't the NFL give something like ten minutes at least?  Still recovering from Round 1 humiliation and sensing my precious seconds would be slipping away, I frantically tried to pull up the site on my i phone before my appointed second round selection time like the first passed me by.  Four picks until mine....three picks until mine....two...I gave up when my phone insisted that without an i cloud password, I could forget choosing in the second round....or even being part of this league for that matter.  Autopick again.  Darn it!  I was beginning to think my league "mates" may have taken some slight advantage of the ummmm virgin in the room by not properly explaining how all this would go down.  But, since I am a big girl after all, and since there is absolutely no crying in football....except of course after Clemson's fifth consecutive loss to the Gamecocks...I decided to stick it out and shoot for Round 3.  After all, this could only get better.

Lesson 3:  One of my sweet colleagues and friends...and apparently the only one in this draft with any heart at all....gave up his laptop and moved to another device (yes, he brought two of them....who knew) so that I could at least play.  Play...is that what this was?  I had really thought so, but some of these guys seemed oh so serious.  Beginning to decide perhaps fantasy just isn't going to be my thing (I think I already knew that), I reluctantly persevered.  Round 3.... Yay, I did manage to make a selection, and I thought Cam Newton was a pretty good one...until I heard the little wave...yes, there it was....snickers of laughter floating around the room.  Someone leaned over and whispered....you might want to think about receivers or running backs first.  Who knew?  I always thought it was the quarterback who made things go.  Not, as it were, in Fantasy Football.  How could I be flubbing this so completely? After all, I am a college educated woman, have held numbers of responsible jobs, am a mom, a volunteer.....What is the freaking (hate to put that in but I am seriously running out of f words) big deal with fantasy football?

Lesson 4:  My draft buddies were definitely sniffing blood in the water by now.  Drew had made me a list of about 35 skill players he thought I should "draft" (many of them former Clemson players, surprise, surprise), but by now they were long since gone.  Without my fourteen year old's template and quickly realizing I knew far fewer NFL than college players, I found myself in even more of a snit.  What to do what to do....looking feverishly down the list, I finally saw a name I recognized.... Jordy ....Jordy Nelson.  Alleleuia, Praise Be....the Green Bay Superstar.  How could he still be on the board?  Sold!  I proudly and with much ado "drafted" Jordy, all the while thinking I was truly getting the hang of this after all.  Again snickers.   What now?????  Ohhhhh....oh that's what that little yellow message box means....out for the season....you have got to be kidding me!  I thought my next question was a very knowledgeable, pertinent, and timely one...."Guys, Guys, excuse me, Guys.  How do I trade???"

Lesson 5:  When someone asks if you would like a beer...the answer might be, "Yes, yes I would."  Somehow the partakers in the room were doing much better than the non.... at least better than this non.

Lesson 6:  What do you mean I cannot draft defensive players?  Clemson had the #1 defense in the nation last year, and half a dozen of those guys went pro?  And I can't draft them?  Worst of all, they made up nearly half of Drew's suggested draftees.  I am so screwed....oops, Dee is definitely crossing that PG line again.  Forgive me.  Fantasy frustration is setting in.

Lesson 7:  Just how was I supposed to know "drafting" someone with zeroes in the points column beside his name might not be recommended?  I thought that was just because they hadn't started yet!

Lesson 8:  It is never a good sign when your two "autopicks" are your highest rated players.  Did I really just hear somebody say that I had the option to autopick my entire team?  Are you kidding?

I toil on....fearlessly pursuing my team.  But you guessed it.... final fantasy results:  my draft is rated 14th out of 14 with a grade of ...yep..."F"!   Have a little respect, Guys.  Have you ever heard of overachieving?  I am now looking for a team slogan.  I'm thinking maybe "Diamonds in the Rough," and let me emphasize it was (and is) really, really rough.

In closing, other than the fabulous "f" ing alliteration, I thus far fail to find much fun in fantasy football.  But, stay tuned...it is still preseason, after all.  I refuse to "finish" last!  Go Diamonds!