The Help

I read and loved the novel The Help by Kathryn Stockett. I most loved the book because it reminded me so vividly of my beloved Ruby.....Ruby who was far beyond my help but became my lifeline, my confidante, and almost a second mother to me.

I met Miss Ruby in the pasture in front of our house shortly after Kate was born. I’m sure I must have previously met and spoken to Ruby, but my first strong memory of her came that early spring day in, of all places, our Shiloh Unity pasture. Kate refused to settle down. Every new mother knows the sense of helplessness bordering on hopelessness of those days, and with Kate there were many.   I was exhausted. I simply could not get my crying baby calm. Ruby had sat rocking on her own front porch across the street, arms crossed, shaking her head disapprovingly, watching me from a distance as I walked laps with a crying child for as long as she could. Finally, I suppose at her wits end, she rose from her rocker, crossed the street, walked into the pasture and up to me, took Kate out of my arms and held her up to her large and loving and experienced bosom. (I thought for a minute she was going to smother my baby.) But Kate almost instantly was calm, and I distinctly and embarrassingly heard cooing.  Miss Ruby glanced at my shall I say somewhat lacking upper body, especially in comparison to hers, and said, “Honey, all that baby wanted was a big bosom to find comfort in.” Well, on that count, I quite honestly and obviously needed help.    I instantly knew we had to hire Miss Ruby.  And just like that, she became part of our family and part of our lives. With utmost respect I will say she became my help.

Time passed.  Drew was born. Miss Ruby remained totally and completely a part of us. My children may have said “Roo Roo” before they said “Mommy.” Years passed. They first crawled, then walked, then ran to her for comfort, for congratulations, for hugs, for love, dare I say for lunch. Ruby was always ready with whatever they needed. She took them everywhere. She rocked them, cooked for them, played with them, sang with them, slept with them. More than once after Drew was born, I walked back to Ruby’s bedroom in the late afternoon to find Kate, Drew, and Ruby cuddled up sound asleep in her big bed, tummies full of whatever good cooking Ruby's magical kitchen had rendered that day. She refereed their arguments and restored the peace. Ruby may yet be the only person who has ever effectively handled ‘Miss Kate.’ She told stories of them having to go get their own switches for a spanking.  I knew they were only stories, for Ruby could never have disciplined these children in that manner.  I do think she scared them straight! It was tough love, and somehow Kate adored her. And Ruby's bond with Drew, "My Little Man," as she called him was unmistakable.

We travelled fairly often in those early years with the children. Kate frequently would ask Miss Ruby what we could bring her from our trips. The single Miss Ruby always answered, “Bring me a man.” (That's 'mayan' of the two syllable variety.   Miss Ruby must've thought those were even better than  the one syllable version.) It never failed that when we returned home,  Ruby would ask Kate if she had brought her a man. I did catch Kate on a couple of Caribbean trips trying her best to talk a young Jamaican into coming home with us to be Ruby’s ‘gift.’ Oh my, wouldn’t Ruby have been surprised? Then again, maybe not. The wily Ruby may have known exactly what she was asking.

Miss Ruby had a large and extended family with many children of her own lineage. But, there was never any doubt that she loved mine as if they were hers. Any visitor to Ruby's home saw pictures of my Kate and Drew mingled with her own children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, nieces and nephews and other children actually related to Ruby.

Ruby was a woman of strength, a woman of conviction, a woman of compassion, a woman of God. In her darker moments and in her happiest, she held fast to her faith. She lived an example that spoke far louder than her words.

I still see little bits of Ruby in things Kate and Drew say and do. I thank God for the memories of Ruby that I will have in and with our children. This remarkable woman enriched our lives in so many ways. She was far beyond my help. She was my friend.