'Tree'logy

Well, our 2011 Christmas Saga officially began yesterday. The day after Thanksgiving, the day before Carolina/Clemson. As predictable as Santa and right on cue, Tree Wars III began. What is it about getting a tree and getting it decorated that elicits the worst in everyone in my family?

It all started some years back. We loaded the family and drove thirty miles enjoying Christmas caroles emanating from the radio, off to get the perfect tree. We spent an hour making just the right choice. We carefully oversaw the trimming and drilling and wrapping in net of the tree. We safely secured it and headed to a nearby bistro for peppermint hot chocolate. We returned home. Five minutes later, the world changed. Well, at least the mood did. As Adrian tried to dislodge the beautiful tree from the top of his car, he did the unthinkable....the unforgiveable. He broke the top, the all important tip of the tree off. His solution.....nail the two pieces of our beautiful tree back together. Note that this is the same husband who repaired the toilet tank workings at the beach house with kite string. You have to give him something for ingenuity, I suppose. Returning to the now at hand broken tree, in his words, "It'll last through Christmas!" Not so fast, My Tree Scrooge Husband. We WILL have a whole tree, not one nailed together. So back he went, this time alone, back to the same tree tent, mumbling I'm sure all the way. This time no family, no caroles, no chocolate. And, in keeping, the owners of the tree farm showed NO mercy. Not even a discount and absolutely no sympathy. After paying for a second ten foot tree....not cheap, mind you....within two hours the replacement tree was on its way to its designated spot in our den. But the trimming adventures had just begun. The first problem....the tree leaned and leaned and leaned. Each day, the leaning became a little more decided. Second problem, as the leaning intensified the ornaments understandably found it harder and harder to hang on. Why is it always the favorites that break? And the lights, by Christmas Day the lights were barely even on the tree. They hung in loose loops from the sadly tilting tree. I will say that year's pine was a beautiful one...if you held your head at a roughly 60 degree angle when you looked at it.

Every year I think it will be better. Every year I promise myself there will be no tree tiff or decorating drama. But, every year it happens. We don't even have to be in the continental United States for it to happen. One year, we were on a quick Caribbean Christmas trip. Our entire trimmed tree toppled to the floor in our empty home. Are we jinxed, haunted, or both? Not in 20 years of marriage has anything driven us so perilously close to Tammy Wynette's D-I-V-O-R-C-E than the d--- tree.

Last year I was forced to call my brother-in-law and his colleague in the construction business to even convince my hubby the tree was again leaning and enough to be at risk of falling. Only when it was confirmed by a contractor and a blood relative did Adrian relent to agree that yes, we had better address the crooked tree issue or else.....

Again, yesterday, all went well with the buying trip, the purchase, the after lunch, and the removal from the car. The move and placement of the tree in its designated spot were even surprisingly uneventful. But, wait, can it be...... no way....the 2011 tree is too tall for my ceiling! And here we go again....