Mamma Mia Mayhem

So my fourteen year old daughter is definitely looking nineteen these days.....not a good situation from any point of view. Saturday, a new twist. She and I were walking through South Park, the mall of choice (her choice, that is) in nearby Charlotte. A kiosk operator shouted and motioned in our direction, as he called, "Sisters, come on over. I have something you will love." Kate was mortified and nearly ran past the smiling.... then not so much .... kiosker. Once I managed to catch up, I asked my oh so sensitive, not to mention still quickly moving, daughter what was the problem. "Momma," she said, "I can't believe he thought we were sisters. That makes me so mad." "Why?" I asked. "I should think you would be pleased, maybe even proud if someone thought you and I were sisters. Wouldn't you like to think you had a younger looking mom?"

Kate hesitated, then said, " Well if they think you are my sister that might be okay. But if they think I am your sister....that would be horrible." What did she say? My Junior Beta Club President, AP Honor Student daughter (ummm except perhaps in algebra), certainly you might think in line for the "words gene", sometimes has trouble putting an even remotely logical thought together. But after continued and determined query we finally understood each other. If I look young enough to be her sis, that is okay. But if she looks old enough to be mine, that in her mind is another and totally different matter altogether.

At Kate's high school orientation night last spring, a Lancaster High School assistant principal asked Kate if I were her sister. Kate decided then and there she should attend Indianland High...or AJ....or Buford....anywhere but Lancaster.

I sympathize with Kate's conundrum. It is hard to be a barely teen caught in a college coed body. I think I was in a similar predicament, although with me it was not so much the body that looked older than my age, it was my face. I was often in my high school years mistaken for an older girl. Kate is finding, as I did, that can be a blessing and just as easily a curse.

What I didn't tell Kate was that the kiosk person wanted to sell something and the assistant principal was trying to score points with a prospective parent. She wouldn't have wanted to listen anyway. Her humiliation was total and complete. Someone said she and her mother looked like sisters. The motivation didn't matter. That they simply dared to publicly utter the words was more than enough devastation for my teen daughter.

The trouble is I am not sure who is having the greater identity crisis in this symbiotic mom and daughter thing. Kate tells me on the one hand, as in when she wants her nose or belly button or ear cartilage pierced, that I should be more cool, more hip. But, on the other hand, if I look kind of...well, sort of.... with it, that is totally unacceptable to her.

So, as my teen and I continue to navigate the often treacherous waters of a mother/teen daughter relationship, I find myself wondering not so much who she will become, but who I at the moment am. Funny, I thought I had this figured out years ago.....