You Say 'Tomatoes'......I Say 'Teenagers'

One of my favorite seasons recently wound to its sad end. No, not summer.....not exactly anyway. I am already missing this past and counting down to next........drum roll, please.....tomato season. There aren't many things better in my book than fried green tomatoes, tomato sandwiches, fresh tomatoes in my salads....shall I go on?

Adriana Trigiani wrote in her novel Very Valentine that "growing tomatoes is all about patience and process." Gosh, Ms. Trig, I never realized the art of growing tomatoes was so similar to growing children. Had I read that quote out of context I would have been uncertain whether it was teenagers or tomatoes the authoress was discussing.

I suppose both tomato plants and children require just the right and oh so important foundation, grounding, if you will, to prevent unwanted acidity or bitterness. Tomato plants often also require just enough of a binding to keep them growing and going in the right direction, but not so much so as to stunt their growth and development. Sound like anyone we know?

There are days and times I know I fail miserably at both the patience and process Trigiani noted as relate to tomatoes. Only barely into Kate's second year of teenagerdom, I find my patience nearly non-existent. I love her so hard it hurts, but often times that just doesn't seem to be enough.

I have such trouble finding balance between reining her in and letting her go. I know she wants to be treated more like a grown up, but when I look at her I still see my little girl. I want to pull in and protect, while she wants freedom and the chance to fly. Much like tomato plants that at times may need a degree of training them upward, I feel a need to direct my teen's growth. The truth be told, I would like to pause that growth....just long enough that is for me to catch my breath and start again.

I saw such a great metaphor in this character's tomatoes. You may have presumed, as I did, that they grew and thrived in some southern vegetable garden or farm. Valentine's tomatoes actually grew on a New York rooftop. The message....well cared for tomatoes (or teens) might flourish in even the most challenging surroundings.

My patch is small.....I am concerned about the job I do with two growing 'plants'. I like to think I have given them every chance to thrive and produce wonderful fruit of their own.....but who can be certain. With teenagers as with tomatoes, can one ever know for sure?

The Poet

In the spring of 2008, so she would have either been nine or just turned ten years old..... I am guessing 4th grade..... Kate The Poet wrote

The waters blew a salty breeze
And rose above our knobby knees,
then ran away
like a bashful tease.

We ranged across the sparkling sand
with ocean lapping all of the land,
A sunny, funny, happy band.



I found this poem when cleaning out some shelves the other day. Here it is, finally, confirmation that this is my daughter after all.....a beach lover and wordsmith after my own heart. I see alliteration, metaphor.....I would check for iambic pentameter, but I cannot remember exactly what it is. Nevertheless, wow!

FF......that's fast forward as opposed to fairly fantastic.....to August 2012. I am taking Kate to 9th grade registration I ask about her AP classes, to which she responds, "Momma, that's 'After Practice.' We don't get those until 11th grade." Perhaps this child is not mine after all. Really, Kate? Do you honestly think you "practice" in ninth and tenth grades, then get to the 'real stuff' ....the advanced placement....in the eleventh?

I have to believe....or at least fervently hope....sometimes things just slip out of this perfectly beautiful, orthodontically engineered mouth before my always entertaining daughter thinks her thought through. I recall back to Kate's 6th grade announcement that she was in the bachelorette program at her Rucker Middle School, to which I quickly responded that I believed that was a baccalaureate program. I definitely hope it was not a bachelorette program, though some days I might have wondered.

So pretty, so sweet, so funny.....so scattered. She is now one of 387 members of Lancaster High School's Class of 2016. I, like many of the roughly 774 Class of '16 parents have to be wondering, "Are they and more importantly we ready for this?" Why do I have this nagging premonition that there are many more shall we say less than poetic Kate moments to come?