This morning I am....pensive. Introspective. Not sure why. I just am. As I showered and shampooed, I thought of Kate. Admittedly, this is not unusual. Almost every day, as I shampoo my hair, I think of Kate and her alopecia. I say the alopecia prayer. Hair. I would gladly give all of mine, if only she might no longer deal with her lack of it. I see her looks as she watches me blow dry my hair. She doesn't say anything....she doesn't have to. I'm her mother. I know.
I asked Adrian yesterday if he had noticed how suddenly beautiful this daughter of his and mine is....our strong-willed child with her gorgeous, nearly perfect face.....and her nearly bald head. As I have said so often, we are blessed and grateful this is not a life threatening diagnosis. But how hard it must be for a soon to be fifteen year old girl to cope with this particular malady. Maybe that's it....maybe that's why today brings such odd feelings. Kate's fifteenth birthday is fast approaching. With it come all the usual fears....fears of her driving, fears of her dating, fears of the disappointing choices she could make. Have we done enough?
But in Kate's case, there are additional questions. Who is going to one day hurt her feelings about her hair loss? What boy will break her heart because he can't understand or deal with her alopecia?
She wants to be a doctor but sees no reason why doctors should understand algebra, or any math. She wants to save puppies from the cruelty of the death rows of animal shelters, but she seems to feel her responsibility ends when the puppies are home. She wants to volunteer at the hospital, but she sees no reason an essay is required with the application. She wants to work at Carowinds. She wants to go to Prom. She wants to be in Cotillion. She wants....hair. Like all the other girls her age, she wants hair. She's an oxymoron of understanding and lack of, of hurt and strength, of a child and a blossoming young adult.
I can hire an algebra tutor. I can help with her hospital essay. I can support her soft spot for animals in dire straits. I can help her choose the perfect prom dress and try to help her into Cotillion. But hair.....I am helpless.
She's KK to some, Aunt Kate to others. She is daughter, sister, student, Christian. And she is an alopecia patient. As her teenage years come into full swing, just who will this girl become? And how will her hair loss affect her?
Yes, today, I am introspective. And my very strong daughter is out there.....doing what she does.....being who she is ....probably worrying far less than her mom. Tomorrow will be better.
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