I n-e-v-e-r wear hosiery. Hose pinch, run, rip and ruin my day. They are a fundamental scourge on all of womanhood and quite simply an expense and a bother I think I can do without. At least I thought I could. But recently, the liver marks...I think that is what they are called.....guess I have gotten to the age I need to know for sure.......and various and sundry other signs of aging are telling on my legs. So, I told myself a pair of hosiery might be in order.
It has been many moons (and the lunar theme from my last post continues) since I last bought hose. I first asked Kate to go to Belk and buy the hosiery now deemed necessary by her mom. Kate's response, "Momma, what are hose?" With that, I quickly knew this one would be on me. I honestly had to ask someone where in the department store I might find hose. And, after searching and searching for what I was looking for, even though I had no idea what in fact I was looking for, I found a seemingly lovely toeless pair of almost nude stockings. (Interesting how I wanted to cover up, but didn't want it to look like I was covering up. Again, welcome to aging, Dee.) Proud of my shopping prowess, I bought two pairs.
Now, and perhaps this too is a symptom of the many years that have passed since I last bought hosiery, I interpreted toeless to mean no reinforced toe. Wouldn't anyone? Imagine my surprise when upon opening the packaging, I learned toeless meant absolutely no toes...notta....nothing.....big holes in the 'foot ends' of the hose!
As I told Diane in one of those conversations you can only appropriately have with a sister.... or in a blog.... I could think of absolutely no use for hose with no toes that did not involve a decided measure of kink. I mean seriously, other than having those suckers available for....pardon me, sucking.....why would anyone want hose with no toes? I will be the first to admit, this world is changing, and I am not always at the very forefront of the change continuum. But, Ladies, if you want to show off that new pedicure, legs, feet, and toes must be bare. Not just toes. If, on the other hand.....or should I say other foot....you choose to wear stockings, the classic pump with toes demurely hidden is the choice for you.
I LOVE .....oh who is the band with the Toes song.....oh yes, Zac Brown. And I think Kenny Chesney also had a "toe" hit a while back. But, I can't imagine that either was envisioning the lingerie anomaly that is toeless hosiery when he crooned about toes in the sand or wherever.
I cannot fathom hosiery covered legs and feet and naked toes. If you are willing to bare your toes, you must be willing to bare your legs. This toeless hose contraption undoubtedly was invented by a man.
Today, when I journeyed back to the store to return the one unopened pair of toeless hosiery, I just had to ask the sales associate, "Who buys these things, and why?" She just looked at me with an all-knowing smile and nod.....and that was it.
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